He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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