i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
