I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
