I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
