A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
