and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
