Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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