Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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