Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
