You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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