TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Found the puke drawer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
