When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
