I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
