I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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