We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
