I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
