I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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