i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
