I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
