uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think i have two assholes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
