Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
