Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I know her cup size but not her name....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
