My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
