Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
