Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
