I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
