So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
