question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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