have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
