Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
