that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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