the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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