i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
