Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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