ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize