You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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