His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if only i could text you this smell
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
