I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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