phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
