I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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