Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
