even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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