Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
