I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
