he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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