god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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