He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
