I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
