Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
