Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize