redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
