There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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