Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't shave. On purpose
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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