My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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