i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How's work?
Spinning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
