i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
