I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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