All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this hospital has no fireball
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize