Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She bit a glass in half.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
