I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
