when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
