I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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