just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
