Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
