Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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