I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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