Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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