who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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