i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
