My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
