i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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