I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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