So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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