I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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